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Always a Voice

Empowering Survivors of Abuse & Trauma

Thought Spot

Thought Spot

Heart to Heart about our Sons...

Posted on 20 June, 2017 at 19:00

~by Rachelle Spencer

This last week my son asked if he could cook breakfast for me and his sister. He took on the entire task and wouldn't let me do anything ... he served both of us before he sat down to eat. I was overjoyed and my heart was so full of love for this little four year old. I kept thinking about the affect that our culture has on men and boys ... to tell them to be strong, to not feel, to be tough etc etc etc. Patriarchy is taught and drilled into our culture ... telling our sons and daughters where they belong in society


My son confided in me one day that a care giver mocked his tears at school and said they should put him in a diaper because he was being a cry baby. I watched as this sweet boy attempted to hold back his tears from the pain that memory brought up. My mama bear heart lit up on fire when I heard this, but I know that correcting one person will not change the culture that my son and daughter will grow up in. We all have to challenge these ideas!!! 


I become more and more feminist all of the time, but feminism can not just be about equality for women. Our sons must be allowed to feel so that we can raise them to understand and channel their feelings. We cannot squash them and expect them to grow emotionally mature. Strength doesn't lie in not feeling and manliness is not ignoring emotions


My son is so loving and tender hearted. He is a servant and more willing to help me around the house than his sister is. He is an artist and creator. He loves to have his finger nails painted just like his sister does and I see no problem with it. But he also has a darker side that many people think is him "being a boy." He gets very angry and is harmful and destructive at times. I not only want my son to be able to cry and know his own sadness but I also want him to know what is behind his anger and to give him lifelong tools to channel these overpowering emotions. "Boys will be boys" is not a phrase you will hear in our home, but rather "Let's sit down and talk ... what are you feeling right now?" 


Won't you help me change our culture so that both our sons AND our daughters benefit from it? #boyswillbeboys #boymom #feminism #allthefeels #endpatriarchy

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