Shopping Basket
Your Basket is Empty
Quantity:
Subtotal
Taxes
Delivery
Total
There was an error with PayPalClick here to try again
CelebrateThank you for your business!You should receive an order confirmation from Paypal shortly.Exit Shopping Basket

Always a Voice

Empowering Survivors of Abuse & Trauma

Thought Spot

Thought Spot

POISONOUS OPINIONS

Posted on 21 September, 2016 at 0:10

~By Danielle S. 

(Danielle is a 17 year old survivor of abuse. She recently came forward with the devastating truth of her situation. These past months have been difficult, but she is actively persuing healing and growth in her life--and writing about it! She is meeting hardship head-on. I am so blessed to have the privelege of sharing her writings with you all!  ~jill)


EVERYONE has their opinion of what I should've done. Some voice it louder than others. Some people ask me, "Why did you wait so long?" "Why didn't you just confront him about it?" One girl even told me, "Your story has holes in it".  "Well, if he was MY dad..." "Your situation wasn't half as bad as many others..." "You should be over this by now..." "You need to just forget the past." Agh!!!!!!


It frustrates me to think that after all I've already been through, people are critiquing the situation and trying to tell me what I should've done, should do, should think, and should feel! People's opinions are poisonous when expressed in a judgmental way. It's not wrong to have an opinion. But when you don't know all the details and try to come across like you know all the answers, it can have many affects, none of which are good. It can be crippling, hurting, depressing, self-esteem destroying, and crushing.


If an abuse victim opens up to you at all, in any way, respect that. A lot of times, all we want is just someone to listen, believe, and have compassion for us. Now, that makes it sound like we're feeling sorry for ourselves, doesn't it? Well guess what! That's probably what we're doing... and it's OK! After all we've been through we have the right to lean on others for strength and support while we can't strengthen and support ourselves. A lot of times when someone makes a judgmental remark, they just don't have a clue of what you're going through. That doesn't give them the liberty to blast away though.


I still don't know how to handle these opinions... sadly, I don't have a manual with all the answers. But if I talk it out with someone I know will listen, encourage, and support me no matter what, it helps me to realize that the judgmental opinionator doesn't have any ground for what they're saying. Even opinions from other survivors of something similar aren't necessarily the best for your case. You have to remember that every situation is different. There is no 'one size fits all.' And for all you getting judgment from anyone, just remember: they DON'T KNOW what they would do. Even if they think they know, how could they? They know the facts, but not the feels. They understand the logic, not the confusion. They assume the anger, they don't reason through the twisted emotions.


Moving on to another aspect of this: Even if they were right and even if they understood everything, what's done is done. You can't change the past. What good is it to bash someone for not doing it the "right way" if there's no chance to go back and redo it? Just support, sympathise, and encourage for the future. Sometimes I can remind myself that the person is just trying to help and they're lost in going about doing that. Other times I've had to say, "You know what? I don't need this." Yes, I've had to break off friendships with certain individuals because of their extremely vocal opinions. I just came to the conclusion that it was causing me more stress and heartache than support and help. You'll have to be the one to make that decision- who to put up with and who's just not worth it. They're just placing another smothering decision on you that wouldn't be there if people would just treat each other like they should.


And lastly, now that we see first-hand how hurtful being overbearing and opinionated can be, maybe we can learn to hold back our opinions for the proper time and place, and only speak encouraging words, as we truly understand the struggle of poisonous opinions.


Categories: None

Post a Comment

Oops!

Oops, you forgot something.

Oops!

The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.

Already a member? Sign In

1740 Comments

Reply Janepak
6:53 on 16 October, 2021 
how to buy viagra online canada
Reply Ashpak
3:28 on 16 October, 2021 
generic-levitra
Reply Kiapak
1:19 on 16 October, 2021 
tadalafil 20mg uk
Reply Evapak
23:07 on 15 October, 2021 
viagra 100mg mexico
Reply Markpak
21:53 on 15 October, 2021 
800mg cialis
Reply Amypak
20:11 on 15 October, 2021 
ivermectin 6mg tablet for lice
Reply Yonpak
17:52 on 15 October, 2021 
order viagra from uk
Reply Quincycog
17:36 on 15 October, 2021 
female viagra testimonials high libido during menopause amazon mobile site liquid cialis non generic viagra by mail vardenafil dosage all natural male enhancement supplements
Reply RobertNow
17:29 on 15 October, 2021 
canada pharmacy 24 hour drug store
Reply Kimpak
16:43 on 15 October, 2021 
cipla cialis
Reply Carlpak
16:41 on 15 October, 2021 
lowest price viagra
Reply Suepak
16:03 on 15 October, 2021 
stromectol 3 mg tablets price
Reply Markpak
12:30 on 15 October, 2021 
can you buy sildenafil online
Reply Boopak
12:27 on 15 October, 2021 
ivermectin malaria
Reply DarrenMit
11:48 on 15 October, 2021 
male enlargement pills gnc how to take viagra 100mg generic for cialis pharmacy prices for viagra viagra super active review buy contrave from canada
Reply Miapak
10:59 on 15 October, 2021 
tadalafil pills in india
Reply Marypak
6:48 on 15 October, 2021 
buy viagra online uk paypal
Reply Eyepak
6:37 on 15 October, 2021 
modafinil for sale us stromectol brand stromectol price usa sildenafil 100 mg tablet viagra without prescription canada rx pharmacy viagra rate canadian pharmacies buy viagra online canadian pharmacy levitra purchase uk buy tadalafil 20mg price in india
Reply Judypak
6:18 on 15 October, 2021 
price of viagra in australia
Reply Ivypak
0:45 on 15 October, 2021 
all in one pharmacy