Shopping Basket
Your Basket is Empty
Quantity:
Subtotal
Taxes
Delivery
Total
There was an error with PayPalClick here to try again
CelebrateThank you for your business!You should receive an order confirmation from Paypal shortly.Exit Shopping Basket

Always a Voice

Empowering Survivors of Abuse & Trauma

Thought Spot

Thought Spot

POISONOUS OPINIONS

Posted on 21 September, 2016 at 0:10

~By Danielle S. 

(Danielle is a 17 year old survivor of abuse. She recently came forward with the devastating truth of her situation. These past months have been difficult, but she is actively persuing healing and growth in her life--and writing about it! She is meeting hardship head-on. I am so blessed to have the privelege of sharing her writings with you all!  ~jill)


EVERYONE has their opinion of what I should've done. Some voice it louder than others. Some people ask me, "Why did you wait so long?" "Why didn't you just confront him about it?" One girl even told me, "Your story has holes in it".  "Well, if he was MY dad..." "Your situation wasn't half as bad as many others..." "You should be over this by now..." "You need to just forget the past." Agh!!!!!!


It frustrates me to think that after all I've already been through, people are critiquing the situation and trying to tell me what I should've done, should do, should think, and should feel! People's opinions are poisonous when expressed in a judgmental way. It's not wrong to have an opinion. But when you don't know all the details and try to come across like you know all the answers, it can have many affects, none of which are good. It can be crippling, hurting, depressing, self-esteem destroying, and crushing.


If an abuse victim opens up to you at all, in any way, respect that. A lot of times, all we want is just someone to listen, believe, and have compassion for us. Now, that makes it sound like we're feeling sorry for ourselves, doesn't it? Well guess what! That's probably what we're doing... and it's OK! After all we've been through we have the right to lean on others for strength and support while we can't strengthen and support ourselves. A lot of times when someone makes a judgmental remark, they just don't have a clue of what you're going through. That doesn't give them the liberty to blast away though.


I still don't know how to handle these opinions... sadly, I don't have a manual with all the answers. But if I talk it out with someone I know will listen, encourage, and support me no matter what, it helps me to realize that the judgmental opinionator doesn't have any ground for what they're saying. Even opinions from other survivors of something similar aren't necessarily the best for your case. You have to remember that every situation is different. There is no 'one size fits all.' And for all you getting judgment from anyone, just remember: they DON'T KNOW what they would do. Even if they think they know, how could they? They know the facts, but not the feels. They understand the logic, not the confusion. They assume the anger, they don't reason through the twisted emotions.


Moving on to another aspect of this: Even if they were right and even if they understood everything, what's done is done. You can't change the past. What good is it to bash someone for not doing it the "right way" if there's no chance to go back and redo it? Just support, sympathise, and encourage for the future. Sometimes I can remind myself that the person is just trying to help and they're lost in going about doing that. Other times I've had to say, "You know what? I don't need this." Yes, I've had to break off friendships with certain individuals because of their extremely vocal opinions. I just came to the conclusion that it was causing me more stress and heartache than support and help. You'll have to be the one to make that decision- who to put up with and who's just not worth it. They're just placing another smothering decision on you that wouldn't be there if people would just treat each other like they should.


And lastly, now that we see first-hand how hurtful being overbearing and opinionated can be, maybe we can learn to hold back our opinions for the proper time and place, and only speak encouraging words, as we truly understand the struggle of poisonous opinions.


Categories: None

Post a Comment

Oops!

Oops, you forgot something.

Oops!

The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.

Already a member? Sign In

2943 Comments

Reply Eyepak
6:37 on 15 October, 2021 
modafinil for sale us stromectol brand stromectol price usa sildenafil 100 mg tablet viagra without prescription canada rx pharmacy viagra rate canadian pharmacies buy viagra online canadian pharmacy levitra purchase uk buy tadalafil 20mg price in india
Reply Judypak
6:18 on 15 October, 2021 
price of viagra in australia
Reply Ivypak
0:45 on 15 October, 2021 
all in one pharmacy
Reply Wimpak
0:31 on 15 October, 2021 
hydroxychloroquine sulfate cost
Reply Paulpak
0:21 on 15 October, 2021 
cialis daily coupon
Reply MichealBubre
22:49 on 14 October, 2021 
pde5 inhibitors in food coupon for cialis by manufacturer ebay cialis generic viagra price at walmart 20% off walmart orders online
Reply Denpak
21:58 on 14 October, 2021 
plaquenil for osteoarthritis viagra cialis levitra ivermectin goodrx price cialis usa tadalafil cheapest price
Reply Boopak
21:05 on 14 October, 2021 
viagra tablets 100mg
Reply KennethTriar
21:01 on 14 October, 2021 
how to take viagra for maximum effect price on viagra with prescription cvs viagra sales how does cialis work cialis in india from cipla pfizer patient assistance walmart printable coupons
Reply Sampak
20:29 on 14 October, 2021 
cialis brand online
Reply Markpak
18:47 on 14 October, 2021 
sildenafil otc india
Reply Jimpak
18:28 on 14 October, 2021 
sublingual viagra
Reply Suepak
17:58 on 14 October, 2021 
purchase viagra mexico
Reply Ugopak
17:09 on 14 October, 2021 
viagra tablet price online
Reply Jackpak
8:57 on 14 October, 2021 
how to buy molnupiravir
Reply Annapak
8:42 on 14 October, 2021 
stromectol online
Reply Marypak
7:53 on 14 October, 2021 
order viagra for women
Reply Jimpak
6:59 on 14 October, 2021 
hydroxychloroquine sulfate
Reply Teopak
5:43 on 14 October, 2021 
india pharmacy online tadalafil
Reply Jackpak
2:41 on 14 October, 2021 
sildenafil tablets 50mg price